Pages from the Journal of My Journey with Jesus

I’m… tired.

I think I’m PMSing, again. Haven’t been the most sane of people in the last few days. The previous holidays also did serve to screw up my pattern, such that I became homesick all over again. So this week, I went home to Sg on Monday and Tuesday nights. I wanted to again yesterday but my mother didn’t let me. Not that she let me on Tuesday. I guess on some level, I know that creating the routine again is what’s best for me. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s hard, yknow. I’m conning Sushi King out of my mum when she comes here.

I’ve been letting everything slack again lately. Work, assignments, all. We have some expo thing this weekend but I’ve really not been doing anything about it.

On the bright side, chem and bio have research projects which I totally love. The topic I’m doing for bio is something about pre-natal testing for genetic diseases and got chem, it’s even cooler, it’s the discovery and use of serotonin. I have barely started researching, and there are times when I am already too lazy to read the information, but I cannot deny that I gt really excited when I think about it.
Maybe I should go into research. It’s cool.

Let’s hope today will be a good day.

why are guys attracted to flirting with me like cats are attracted to scratching poles?

I’m not all that pretty, I stutter every so often, and I’m sarcastic.

Fine, so I can be quite witty and sometimes I flirt back. But I never mean to lead them on, it’s just a play thing.

Minute by minute account. Because I need to vent.

So it started by this guy asking if I was wearing anything under the button up shirt I was wearing. And I retorted, “Do you want to check?” So for that whole day, he made playful passes at me, gesturing for me to unbutton my shirt. Throughout the day, my response varied between, “Come la,” and, “Only if you give me your soul,” and,”Go away la!”
Then the next couple of days, he still flirts a little bit. Thing is, this guy flirts with virtually everything that moves, so it’s not abnormal.
Today, there was a Physics test. So we were all studying for it in the upstairs library. I sat apart from the group with another friend because I wanted to help her with studying. She’s really bright but has attention issues, she reminds me a lot of myself.
So we sit in one corner, her best friend gestures for her to come over but she refuses, so her best friend comes over. It’s a bit of a distraction but it’s ok, the three of us are pretty tight. Then the best friend’s boyfriend comes over too, which is still kinda fine. Two pairs studying. But then the whole group comes like it’s some party, all on the pretext of studying but, well, when teenagers get together, attention issues double, triple quadruple.
So I was trying to teach my friend, when the guy comes next to me and flirts again. He did this all manja voice with me, asking me to study with him. But when I tried to study with him, he wasn’t studying at all, so I got annoyed and turned to teach my friend and basically ignored him.
So he says in hushed tones, but perfectly audible to me and he knew it, that he has never seen me this pissed before to his friend (friend’s bestfriend’s boyfriend but nevermind).
So after a while, I cool down, and he seems to have gotten the message. He asks me to help him with a question and I do. Then he starts flirting again, and I turn away.
This happens a few rounds. And I’m really pissed because I know my friend can score well if I explained things to her. If I could give her my full attention. So it’s bad enough that he’s disturbing me, it’s worse that he was disturbing me with irrelevant stuff. And it really doesn’t help that he keeps flirting and I have to keep telling him to stop.
This is what is wrong with media, pornography included. “No,” just doesn’t mean “no” anymore. And believe me, my NOs are obvious, not the shy shy hint kind. It’s outright, “Stop touching me!” “Stop flirting with me.” Simple English, the kind a two-year-old would understand.
He pulls my bra strap, which pisses me off because he seems to not be able to get the concept of modesty. He played with my hand and my ring which just pissed me off. The ring’s on the fourth finger, the married finger, and it has its significance. I usually let people play with my ring but I just didn’t feel like letting this particular guy do it.
Today was particularly annoying because of the stress of the Physics test.
I didn’t study last night because I had completely forgotten about it. I woke up a little early this morning and studied for it then, but I really didn’t get much done. And I scored pretty badly for the last Physics exam so I really need to work hard for the rest of the year to pull my marks up. And I really really wanted to help my friend because there’s just so much about her that reminds me of me. And she has quite low self-esteem, especially since coming to college because she hasn’t been scoring well. Which is something I can relate to so much because I failed so badly during JC.
I don’t mind helping my friends because I’m a bit of a high scorer in the class so they like to come to me. And because I’m a bit of a high scorer in class, I don’t like to say no to them and come off as a stuck up bitch. So today, as much as I liked to have said no to them, I didn’t. I tried to play superwoman again. And I barely gave my friend any attention. I was so pissed about that.

Then there’s this other guy who flirts but I’m quite certain that he’s just playing around. And he doesn’t cross the magical line, so he doesn’t piss me off so much. It’s quite humorous really. He said to me, “I know you have a crush on me right?” and I retorted, with the utmost love showing through my eyes, “Yes darling, every time I see you, I feel like crushing you.”

On a lesser note, nestle came to my college today to do a kit kat promotion. some gimmick with a “vending machine” manned by a human. I don’t really care what gimmick it was, basically, two fingers for fifty cents. I bought like.. a million. I’m fat now but who cares?! muahaha!
I was being exceptionally cheerful and noisy and playful (and irritating, as far as my teacher is concerned) in Bio class today. We were discussing our test paper and I was trying to get marks because I believed my answer was right, as did half of the class. Then the top scorer in my class said he disagreed and I went, “WHYYYYY?!” in a very Gollum style to which my teacher gave me a weird stare.
My teacher is really nice, I love her. (she’s my favourite but don’t tell anyone!) And she’s the kind who can play with us, even though she can get a bit emotional sometimes like how she did today when she was scolding us. Love her.

Anyway, that was my day. Summed up with annoyance, chocolate and some fun.