The Reader
Watched The Reader today while at my college friend’s house.
The Reader stars Kate Winslet and… That guy who plays Voldie in HP.
I hear that it has won Kate Winslet an Oscar this year so I expected the show to be good.
The movie, on a whole, was… interesting. For me, it questioned responsibility of friendship. It also questioned justice and pride. It was interesting to try to see through the eyes of a culture I was not born into and of a woman I was not born as.
It questioned the priorities I had in life.
And I cannot help but wonder: if I was in the place of Michael (played by Ralph Fiennes aka Voldie), what would I have done?
Would I have held a loved one to my standards of right and wrong or would I have respected her choice with her own life.
One irk that I do have with the movie is the ridiculous abundance of naked and sex scenes. I’m usually all right with naked scenes and sex scenes, which do not cross the line into pornography, in movies as long as they are relevant to the story line and aforementioned. The Reader, however, had so many sex scenes where the nakedness and the movement was made very evident; and even more naked scenes including scenes of Kate Winslet’s bare breasts while she was in the bath, in the pool, and others where she was not having sex.
My point is that the nude scenes were completely irrelevant to the story and the majority of the sex scenes was unneeded for the audience to understand the story. (Believe me, for most people, just show them undressing each other a little bit and then the “morning after” and the audience would/should understand)
I cannot quite understand why they had to put so much in there and I cannot help but wonder if it is because sex sells and Kate Winslet naked is going to get a lot of people watching the show.
However, that much nakedness is a really sad cheapening of such a good movie.
Overall, you can watch it if you want, but promise me that you will think during and after you watch it.
psycho
we were at breakfast the other day and just bitching about life, really.
but she said something about her colleague and how he’s weird and how nobody likes him and how the whole office says that he had a breakdown in his last job and spent that two years he didn’t work in, I quote, “Tanjung Rambutan”.
I want to yell at her and ask what’s so wrong about being mentally ill.
I want to yell at her for being insensitive, politically incorrect, uninformed and promoting uninformation about mental health.
I want to yell at her, it’s not as if she had no idea how bloody close I was to spending an eternity in hell, as opposed to two years in a mental hospital.
Your own sister is not only fighting mental illness but is fighting the stigma against mental illness and this is the type of things you gossip about with your colleagues? Is it so hard to promote a little bit more understanding, in hopes of reducing the unneeded stigma, about mental health?
I am angry.
Angry because the reality hits me again, that this is how much of society views mental illness to be. some “psycho” guy who doesn’t seem to conform to what society deems as norms. some weird guy.
Angry because my own sister cannot be bothered to get educated about something that is afflicting her own family.
Angry because my own flesh and blood is promoting the very cause I am against.
Angry, because I fear that this is how other people view me to be. “The psycho girl who doesn’t conform to the norms” “the weird girl”
digestive enzymes working overtime
…
Where do I start?
It is 0350 hours where I am right now. Could not sleep. I will outwardly blame it on my neighbour who has his light on and, although a few floors above me and opposite me, has his light shining straight into not just my bedroom but my eyes.
Had an appointment with the psych yesterday. Was late but lets not go there.
My father was in town and somehow in the psychiatrist office. That alone is enough to make me bang my head against a wall. I chose to be present when they talked and, as I was present, wanted to hide under the table. (I want to do a lot of weird things)
Truth is, I can’t blame it all on my father.
I was in a very bad mood yesterday, for no real reason. Well, fine, the reasons are real I just don’t feel like disclosing them.
Even as I was walking to the psych’s office alone, I wanted to detour to the window to jump out (it’s on the fifth storey, I am not suicidal)
The day didn’t start so great in that I was online in the morning and obsessively googling mirror writing again. And also googling autism, which still bothers me. So the wrong side of the bed as well as the information (that I already knew) about Aspergers combined and made me… self-injurous.
I didn’t cut, I can’t cut, it’s Lent, I promised I won’t cut.
So I went to the toilet an did that purgy thing. (I never actually purge, I just stick fingers into my throat, gag and spit and cry) I would have been in the toilet for a lot longer if my friend didn’t somehow come find me in the toilet. So I got out of the stall and pretended that everything was fine. But the day just got worse from then on.
I had this “I want to murder you” face on the whole day. People commented, in nicer ways. When my physics tutor asked if I was paying attention and mentioned that I seemed to be in my own world today, I was that close to jumping up and punching him. I retorted, rather sarcastically, “no, my face like that wan.”
My classes ended at 2.30. My psych appointment, in a different country, was at 4.30. It was bad enough that it wasn’t me who scheduled it to such a rushed timing. But things, as things always go, got worse in that my father was coming from KL. Was going to park his car at my place in JB. And was to travel with me to Sg.
I AM SERIOUS, IF HE WALKS ANY SLOWER, HE WILL BE WALKING BACKWARDS!
I know it’s not his fault that his old and dying but please don’t come half an hour late because you lost your way because you have no sense of direction and are incapable of reading road signs or following simple directions to make me rush faster to get to my appointment on time only to make me incapable of rushing because you walk slower that a snail.
I was a WHOLE HOUR late for my appointment. The psych is probably used to it seeing that he’s been trained by my no-sense-of-timing mother but that’s not the point, I hate being late for appointments, of any kind, why do I have to be late for the appointment that causes so much anxiety to me?
You can only imagine what kind of mood I was in when I arrived at the psych’s office.
But the session we had wasn’t all bad. It wasn’t even much bad. It wasn’t fun to be in as in it was uncomfortable for me at certain parts but… I don’t know, something’s different. I feel like the psych and I have reached a higher level of… something. trust or communication or something.
It was a long session. And five seconds after coming out of it, I had the need to murder something. But still, it was a good session.
Upped my Concerta. I’m sorry Xanax but Concerta’s officially my new happy pill. Instead of putting me to sleep and making me cry, it makes me awake and numb.
Anyway, I’m back in my own bedroom now and it’s nice to be here. I really miss having a room of my own. It’s nice here, for a bit.
would love to write about the wonderful life I am leading right now with the topless men feeding me peeled seedless grapes and fanning me with palm leaves but I have a policy against lying.
School has been crappy, at best. Been annoying the teachers to the core, teachers have been annoying me because I’m easy to annoy. I’m starting to become to lazy to argue with them.
Scored 72 for the Physics retest, which is lower than what i originally got. My tutor doesn’t seem too displeased but I am… rather… disappointed, to put it lightly.
Some “highlights” in my life right now include the fact that I just cleared my bag of all the crap that is inside. I wiped my study desk of dust yesterday, intend to wipe it of germs (hey, that alcohol needs to be used) today. Have been eating like a pig, ate peanut butter honey toast yesterday despite not being hungry. Have put on weight, pants are tight again. New intake of students came in. My male friends are ogling at the girls and I feel a little bit annoyed at how they objectify them, yet, at the same time, rather amused at how excited they get. Have finally learnt to operate the washing machine in the hostel. Finally gotten a car sticker to drive into the school, dad coming on Thursday.
appointment with psych on thursday, i want to crawl under the table and hide just anticipating it.
Friends have been fun and nice to be with. Freshies night on Friday, some stupid night of party and performance where a bunch of children come together and… i don’t know what they do actually. I’m going. which sucks because I hate parties. but I find myself conforming anyway…
have been battering self a lot lately. Not entirely sure why but… sucks anyway. It’s like.. when I batter myself first then I’ll scold myself and batter the self of me which battered my self in the first place… so it’s like a happy self battery circle of crap inside anastasia’s head.
which reminds me, have been referring to myself in the third person a lot lately.
also learnt yesterday on channelnewsasia that it isn’t all that common for people to be able to write in mirror image. I can write in mirror image so I don’t see the big fuss. I don’t know if it’s really that big a deal or CNA is just making a big fuss out of it but.. it pretty cool, i guess.
also, in myanmar, we were shopping for sweets and stuff for the kids in a supermarket, with Fr M, and then this nun walks into the same aisle we are in. DO you know what are the chances of having two religious in the same aisle in a supermarket in MYANMAR? It made me, for a small moment, feel like I was part of something big.
and that’s all the crap you’re getting out of me today.
from sb, through my sexy phone…
just a few memories that has crossed through my mind recently.
when we were in myanmar, i was lamenting that i was so tired i would walk into a pole. slightly later, one of the girls asked everyone if they wanted to go for a walk and i replied ‘as long as it doesn’involve any poles, im in’ and then i realised the unintended pun that fr m is a pole (the kind that is born inpoland, not the kind that holds up streetlights).
separately, i asked my female friend what car her dad drives because we were looking out for it waiting for him to pick us up. she replied ‘black car’ and i sighed, ‘note to self, never ask a woman what car’
just two minutes ago, cookies-boy saw my sexy phone and asked me ‘what’s that?’ and i replied, ‘uh, a phone…’ n he decided to ask a more specific question ‘what model is that?’
so really, im not all that masculine.
which reminds me, sepang f1 this year falls on the same date as the day yours gorgeously was born. but i can’ find anyone to go with me…
and upon rereading this post, i shall lament on how very shallow (and when i say shallow, you know i really mean bimbotic) i am.
love me
maths test
maths test in less than one hour. Not entirely sure what I’m doing online when I spent last night sleeping…
Scored 50% for the pre-test, which makes the passing mark by no more and no less. Am hoping to get a lot higher for the actual test, seeing that it counts and all, but the hope does not seem to be making me do much, if anything at all.
Going back KL this weekend, after a long time of not going back, quite looking forward to it.
Life in JB starting to get a little more settled, a little more stable. Still full of ups and downs and upsidedowns but… getting a big more used to it… I think.
i’ve been too lazy to post anything lately. Still am to be honest, but I can’t seem to post anything from my mobile internet connection so now I’m in school posting a post to tell you I can’t post.
Life’s been… fine. I mean, I’m alive, what more can I ask for right? Well, ok, I can ask to be dead but that’s not the point I guess.
Just had the physics re-test yesterday. I don’t know if I did any better.
Parent-teacher meeting on Friday. Makes me feel like a school kid again, it’s been so long since I’ve left secondary school that I’ve quite forgotten these things exist. And my classmates are all “oh, ptm this friday, how la how la, die la my parents going to come la” and I really cannot see the fuss. Maybe it’s because my relationship with my mum is nice and fuzzy and close, i don’t know, I really don’t see the big deal in a parent teacher meeting.
Had a weird dream about Sb last night. Dreamt I was in the store with the manager and one other guy. They were both busy doing goodness knows what and there were many customers so I went to take their orders at the counter, even though I wasn’t working, I thought I’d help them. And then the customers were asking for all these weird sandwiches like terriyaki salmon which are new since I left and I didn’t know what was what. There was even this sandwich with a papaya! And my manager found my shoes in the freezer. Yes, the freezer. (Real life sb doesn’t even have a freezer) And the manager was saying that they normally let employees keep one or two essential things in the store but since I’m no longer an employee, it would be inappropriate for me to keep my shoes there. He didn’t say anything about it being inappropriate for shoes to be in the FREEZER. It’s really quite amusing, I woke up this morning and when I thought back of that dream, I laughed.
I’m sorry I don’t have pictures of Myanmar yet. I didn’t bring my camera there so I have to wait for my friends to send me photos.
Fr M decided to teach us girls a little bit about football the other day, he’s a Liverpool supporter. (yes, imagine his happiness on Sunday) Anyway, he let us listen to an interview of some Liverpoolian footballer on Saturday, as in, the footballer was from the town of Liverpool. He let us hear his accent, which, as Fr M rightly put it, did not sound human… Seriously, I couldn’t understand it. I! Anastasia! Who loves English accents, could not understand it, it was that bad.
Also met an English guy in Myanmar. Sigh…
Have no cut since Ash Wednesday. =) But took an extra Concerta pill yesterday, for the Physics test. I know I shouldn’t have but I’m on the lowest dose, so it really isn’t so bad… He’s going to increase my dose anyway, it isn’t working at this dose.
Am thinking of more things to write seeing that I’ve not posted in so long, and I’m certain that I would have lots to write if I cared more about my life.
School’s been pretty ok, except Maths for whatever reason. My best subject in Sec School has become my worst. Worse than my bio even, it’s that bad… But I love Maths either way because it makes sense so even if I don’t do well at it, I will try.
Ok, I’ve run out of things to write for now. If anything crops up, I’ll let you know. Kiss.
back from myanmar
this post is just to let you know that I’m back from Myanmar alive.
Had quite a fair bit of fun there. Met some really nice people. Really want to go back.
Am to lazy to post anything more profound than that at the moment so … yeah.
